88224

Joke of the Day

"Invisible Russian army. -Do you see Bandera supporters in Crimea? - No. -Yet, they are there. - Do you see Russian army in Crimea? -Yes. -Yet, they are not there."

"What do you get if 2 black men sleep in a sleeping bag? A twix bar"

"My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked."

"Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die? Husband: I will go mad with grief. Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you? Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!"

"My whole life is that moment when you send an important e-mail mentioning an attachment without the actual attachment."

"Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse Her boyfriend's phone number"

"""It's beautiful today. Let's work outside."" *5 mins later* ""This was a terrible idea."" *more bees disrupt the open heart surgery*"

"This year for Christmas, I asked for a new pair of scissors.... My old pair just wasn't cutting it!!!"

"When someone says ""It's getting hot in here"" I automatically think, ""So take off all your clothes""."

"I created the friend zone defense in basketball. You basically just compliment the other guys but never make a move."