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Joke of the Day

"When someone says ""It's getting hot in here"" I automatically think, ""So take off all your clothes""."

"[candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition."

"My friend went into a sudden trance where she imagined she was stuck in a Pistachio. I told her to snap out of it. -She couldn't.-"

"Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, ""excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"""

"Two peanuts were walking down the road ...one was assaulted!"

"Teacher : What is the most common phrase used in school ? Pupil : I don't know Teacher: Correct !"

"Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles !"

"NEW YORK STATE OF MIND Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."

"My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall. I said ""maybe"""

"The Detroit Lions have been given guns to subvert increasing violence in the area... ...local zookeepers fear the worst."