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Joke of the Day

"COP: can anybody else describe the suspect? JOHN LENNON: he got feet down below his knees COP: anybody"

"How much will a pirate charge you for a piercing? Buckaneer"

"What do you call it when you lobotomize a bunch of terrorists? Simplifiying Radicals. (MATH joke)"

"One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically."

"And on the sixth day, God created man first so that he could enjoy a few minutes on Earth without saying the wrong thing to a woman."

"First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] ""I'm a model."""

"Why can't cats survive on Mars, even with spacesuits? Because Curiosity will kill them."

"What does God call his nose? God knows."

"[couch shopping] Wife: Eh, you married to it? *a bead of sweat trickles down my brow as I hope she doesn't notices the couch's wedding ring*"

"Why did Sarah fall of the swing ? Q: Why did Sarah fall of the swing ? A: Because she has no arms. *knock* *knock* Q:Who's there ? A:Not Sarah."