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Joke of the Day

"Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes"

"No officer, Vodka and I were hanging out and this car decided to join us."

"My girlfriend is an atheist. Which is a problem, because I'm a god."

"Croatian salary is like menstruation You get it once a month, it lasts 5-6 days and then you're fucked"

"It's cute that the NRA thinks guns could defend you from a government that has a high fructose corn syrup nozzle up every citizens' asshole."

"Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks."

"My friend showed me his pictures from his exchange program in Amsterdam. It turns out he did a project at the Red Light district there. Damn, he really was studying a broad!"

"My career as a professional rock climber is going great, but I'm also taking a course in mattress-making. Just so I've got something to fall back on."

"Super joke! Leaps over your head in a single bound! Which is impressive, considering it's always in the clouds..."

"A midget went to the gym while visiting Sweden... He was a little thor the next day."