87145

Joke of the Day

"What did the vampire say when his son scraped his knee? **""Suck it up""**"

"I banged my teenage daughter last night... In the head accidentally with a basketball."

"Looks like Erdogan had to quit... ...cold Turkey. [](/rimshot)"

"My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck ?"

"As I'm getting older I find that I'm using my glasses more When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle"

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"I injured my back in Egypt... and had to see a Cairo-practor"

"[Doctor's Office] Seal: My flippers are sore. Killer Whale Doctor: Hmm interesting, swim a little closer into my jaws- I MEAN ONTO THE TABLE"

"Did you hear about the constipated math teacher? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail."