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Joke of the Day

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"Make someone's day better by not showing up for work"

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm ok"", I just want someone to tell me: ""I know you're not, here, have a million dollars."""

"After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance ""The Human"" by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet"

"What keeps fish from flying of Niagara Falls? They don't have a pilots license."

"""We run a tight ship"" barked the captain, his shoulders barely getting thru the doorway ""Real tight."" he turns sideways to fit down the hall"

"Goldsmiths, what is your profession? Au, Au, Au."

"I can't believe after all this shit they're still together! Our ass-cheeks really deserve some respect."

"Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all."

"What does L in Samuel L. Jackson stand for? Motherfucker. (from somewhere in YouTube comments)"