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Joke of the Day

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"A punchline walks into a bar. Hello, you have reached the punchline, leave a message after the tone. **beep**"

"Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant? Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car."

"Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't let Mike Tyson bite."

"What did the nosey pepper do? It got jalepeno business!"

"cucumber and potato. What the potato said to the cucumber? - Hi, How are you? What the cucumber answered? - OH MY GOD!!! A TALKING POTATO!!!!!!!!!"

"Why does vegan cheese taste bad? It hasn't been tested on mice."

"I bought the wife a new bag for her birthday..... Hoover works a treat now!"

"I just paid 400 for a cup. What a mug."

"whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? pizzas dont scream when they get put in the oven."