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Joke of the Day

"Me:""The store didn't have any bread so I brought flour"" Wife:""If they didn't have butter would you buy a cow"" *sound of hooves in kitchen*"

"Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number... Me: ...because I still need it."

"Kids these days have it real easy. There weren't as many paedophiles in my day. I had to buy my own candy."

"What kind of liquid does a pig's printer use? oink"

"If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between ""shit"" and ""syphilis"""

"Mobius strippers... never show their backside."

"What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs."

"""You killed a dude I hate your attitude That's why you're going to jail, Without bail 25 to life Bubba is your new wife."" -Poetic Justice"

"At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?'"

"the only dates i get Are the system software updates to my xbox. Play station. PC. Phone..."