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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend cheated on me. She damn near broke my back."

"They say in California alone, the divorce rate is at 75%. Twenty minutes later, a woman walks by with a stroller and a barking dog in it.... Perhaps."

"When can you tell your waitress is having a bad day? When she has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep ? A dinosnore !"

"Who was the world's greatest thief ? Atlas because he held up the whole world !"

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."

"Mom, you bought me the wrong magazine! This isn't MAD, this is DISAPPOINTED!"

"Relationships are like algebra You always look at your x and try to figure out y."

"She told me she ""literally died laughing,"" and that's when I realized she had to be a zombie and shot her in the face."

"People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away."