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Joke of the Day

"It's not fair that lab animals get to test all those nice cosmetics while I'm stuck using the cheap stuff."

"Why has the Trump circle jerk gotten so out of control? Because centipedes have 100 arms."

"My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it!"

"Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*"

"What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars? The Cat in the AT-AT"

"Go to Amazon right now They have the best deals of the year right now"

"What did the elephant say to the man? How do you breathe through something so small?"

"brb, taking out the trash so I took out 9gag"

"What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Aye matey."

"The 4 Stages of Going Out Drinking: 1. Why do I do this to myself 2. This isn't so bad 3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN 4. Why do I do this to myself"