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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I didn't listen to her or something. Idk I wasn't really paying attention."

"If you were a girl and your last name was Pelled your name would always be Miss. Pelled"

"Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy on my pants to give me an excuse to leave early. The real trick is sneaking the gravy into church."

"What is CC Sabathia's favorite inning to pitch in baseball? The bottom of the fifth"

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"I saw a list of what things cost in the 1930s. Great Depression or not, I find it hard to believe people couldn't afford a 20 cent steak."

"President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court ""I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!"" said an excited Obama."

"Although ""Appreciate the little things"" is good life advice, It's not something to say in bed."

"Perks of being a child of divorce Being able to operate Direct TV and Dish"

"Ever since my wife had her toes amputated I can't stand to be around her. I guess I'm *lack toes* intolerant."