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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy on my pants to give me an excuse to leave early. The real trick is sneaking the gravy into church."

"Accidentally picked up two traffic cones instead of my children again"

"Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other ""Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"" The other one says ""No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"""

"What kind of star wears sunglasses? A movie star."

"How do you make a Hindu self destruct? Press the red button"

"What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now? I told you it would rain, dear."

"How can you tell if someone's a vegan? Oh don't worry, *they'll tell you*."

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat."

"My penis is a gangster... It cums from the hood."

"regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets"