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Joke of the Day

"How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans? You cut *Juan* out."

"Knock Knock... ""Come in!"""

"I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, ""Who is that solo genius?"""

"The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving."

"What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls? There's only one you can unload with a pitchfork. Edit: Who said something about dead babies?"

"Q: What's a little quicker than a shark? A: The Little Mermaid on her period."

"When I was a kid I put paper in an oven to get it to burn... ...but the knob only went up to 450 degrees Fahrenheit."

"My local baseball team can't sell beer at the stadium anymore... They lost the opener! [wah wah](http://www.sadtrombone.com/)"

"What happens to the cow on her period? She gets MOOOOOODY"

"When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time"