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Joke of the Day

"I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, ""Who is that solo genius?"""

"One day, someone is going to hold you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together."

"It's about damn time we start talking about spontaneous combustion. It doesn't happen in a vaccuum."

"Had a brainstorm, 32 neurons dead, 104 missing."

"I think my iPhone is broken. I keep pressing the home button but I'm still at work!"

"What happens when you zip up a lion? It rars"

"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Utter destruction!"

"a jew, a christian, and a muslim walk into a bar in the holyland hey it could happen, just not on a friday, saturday or sunday"

"Did you hear who Deez Nuts is picking as a running mate? Shaft."

"I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, ""I refuse to sink."" It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?"