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Joke of the Day

"When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time"

"India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday... That's a heck of a place to put a call center."

"Why did the angry jedi cross the road? To get to the dark side"

"*sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS"

"Three blondes walk into a bar You would think at least one of them would have seen it."

"The Monkey Do you know why the monkey fell out of the tree because he was fucking dead."

"*Whispers in random chicks ear ""I have pizza in the van"""

"INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"

"Have you seen the trailer for *Constipated*? That's because it hasn't come out yet"

"If I'm ever on life support, I want to be unplugged. And then plugged back in to see if that helps"