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Joke of the Day

"If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless."

"Where does the aardvark family always come first? In the phone book!"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole."

"What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future? A four-chin teller"

"Why are chemists such whores? They keep talking about their nitrates"

"My garden shed door keeps opening and closing. Is it the wind? Yes. Am I going to tell my kids it's haunted so they stay out? Also yes."

"You know what they say about living on Navy ships? It has its ups and downs."

"Pros and cons of guys Cons: they're dicks Pros: their dicks"

"Why was the shirt smelly? Because it was a heavy sweater!"

"I look forward to using the phrase ""I'm gonna fuck you til you're pregnant!"" in bed when we decide to have kids."