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Joke of the Day

"""There's no such thing as a stupid opinion."" Said the world's first feminist"

"Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!! Lucky I got the first punch in."

"""I don't think you're ready for this jelly."" ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich."

"What did the child with no arms get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet."

"My neighbor crashed her car while listening to Adele. She went rolling in the Jeep"

"This week in Science: MRI technology and thought processing... are a hell of a lot cooler than last week"

"{Kid's bday party} Me: Where's the cake? Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes."

"Why do school nurses bring a red crayon to work? So they can draw blood"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Ayeee-Matey"

"I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? Because it had a bad driver! drops mic"