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Joke of the Day

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth"

"Yuppie cannibals shop at Whole Dudes."

"I assume every Chinese tattoo I see stands for ""This was a mistake."""

"Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? Because they are out standing in their field."

"It's weird when I'm sitting on the couch and my cat walks by and looks at me but keeps walking cause he's living his own life."

"What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth? Their miscarriage"

"For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner."

"Daisy who? Knock knock Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN"

"*Removes smoke detector battery **Cooks in silence"

"What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin? The part he dips in Olive Oyl."