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Joke of the Day

"Do you know the difference between lunch and a blowjob? You don't??? We should have lunch sometime!"

"Spanish: The h is silent English: Many letters can be silent French: All letters are meaningless, every living thing is born without reason"

"If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you're probably holding the taser wrong."

"Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards."

"Every time a baby gets named Shaniqua, a job opens up somewhere."

"I was gonna make a run for the border, but I remembered I'm in Canada so nah"

"Whenever I see Americans make fun of Kim Jong-un, I think to myself Come on, you're bigger than that."

"My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes."

"I make terrible science jokes... ...but only periodically."

"what do you call a mentally unstable ursine that lives in the antarctic? A bi-polar bear."