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Joke of the Day
"America is 5 wars away from receiving a free one."
Next Joke
"Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too."
"DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight"
"ME AS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: I signed you both up for Tinder *1 week later ME: You still want a divorce? THEM: OMG NO THAT WAS HORRIFYING"
"Everybody says Australians are rednecks learn already... **...it's actually from latin word Australis which means Southern...** *Oops*"
"DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again"
"Hitler had one hell of a speech writer. People called him the grammar nazi."
"Martin Shkreli in jail: ""Can I have an aspirin?"" Jail: ""Yes. That will be $197,000."""
"There are many jokes on Jimmy Fallon's TV shows... like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders."
"How do you circumcise a West Virginian man? Punch his sister in the throat."