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Joke of the Day

"Why does Piglet smell so bad? Because he always plays with Pooh."

"The Voice Coach Voice Coach: ""Let's start with a scale."" Student: ""Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"" Voice Coach: ""Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"""

"Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook."

"[roommate hears me come in] ""how was the date?"" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish"

"I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast."

"Why did Moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years."

"Top Joke in Scotland I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"My Jewish friend invited me to go to his camp. Fuck that."

"Me: ""Do you think it's strange to talk to yourself?"" Me: ""No."""

"i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought ""wow look at this robot!!"""