85037

Joke of the Day

"""I think we should-"" Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other's sentences! Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter"

"Hey, yeah I'll be ready in a minute. I'm just going to shower and jerkoff. just kidding, I'm not going to shower"

"How I got over my procastination ... I will tell you later"

"*barges into bank with guns drawn Alright everyone now be cool and no one gets hurt! *hands out sunglasses all around Nice. Nice."

"Hospital When checking a patient in for surgery, he said he was a mechanic. I said, ""Good, the surgeon likes that because you understand when there are parts left over."""

"Let's vote the pool water off that celebrity diving show."

"Why does Trump hate McCain so much? He heard McCain stayed in a Hilton for 5 years."

"A couple were working as weed dealers It was a joint operation."

"When I shake hands with a fat guy I don't like, I do it extra hard to get a good moob bounce going"

"Went to take my dog with no legs for a walk in the park... now its a dragon."