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Joke of the Day

"[kelloggs meeting] ""okay so, the corn flakes box, what can we put on it?"" a chicken ""jim is there something wrong at home?"""

"DATING TIP: On a bad dinner date? Bite your tongue until your mouth fills with blood, say ""I must be allergic to this bread"" and then leave."

"[OC] Why Did the Paradox Cross the road? Because it didn't."

"I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said ""If you can read this the b*tch fell off."""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The ""p"" is silent."

"There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a dick like mine. Camera man, light and sound technician."

"If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me."

"Why did the physicist masturbate to the electron? It was in the excited state."

"John Snow really knows the way to a guy's heart."

"Women can split open our bodies & chuck living human beings out of our midsections so how about you go ahead & pay us as much as men."