84543

Joke of the Day

"SexyButtPotato So somebody has been uploading my nudes from when I was a teen... Makes me mildly uncomfortable. http://imgur.com/5Gd9VUI"

"What do we say to the god of procrastination? Not today."

"Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana"

"How many retards does it take to push a bus? Just one. They're retardedily strong."

"It's quiet...too quiet... Did you hear about the woman who couldn't find a singing partner? She had to buy a duet yourself kit... *-drops mic-* *-mike jumps up and promptly kicks hatter in the shin-*"

"I found a good bread recipe where you don't have to get your hands messy from mixing it The bread was kneadless, to say"

"Remember the two friends who got the world record for longest staring contest? Yeah? Well turns out they aren't seeing eye to eye anymore."

"How many sperm cells do virgins have at any given time? Ohh.. About a handful."

"My friend kees saying ' cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole of water' I know he means well."

"While you're thinking what to wear, I'm thinking how to take it off."