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Joke of the Day
"I want to go see the new Purge movie... But I have to binge on the first two..."
Next Joke
"*pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*"
"""Beatles or Stones?"" I asked my son. ""Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?"" he pleaded"
"My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an ""emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit"". I don't know how I feel about this."
"Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's rested."
"What happened when the teacher fell in the copier? She was beside herself."
"6 more days, guys.. That's December 26. The day everybody puts their shitty Xmas gifts on Ebay so poor people, like me, can buy them!"
"So the other day at the ATM an elderly lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her o_O"
"If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President... He could only lose to paper."
"Sometimes I wear a tinfoil hat. I'm not one of those wackjobs, it just makes being in the microwave more interesting."