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Joke of the Day

"Remember the two friends who got the world record for longest staring contest? Yeah? Well turns out they aren't seeing eye to eye anymore."

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"

"What's the best thing about going on a surprise vacation with a gay guy? His shit's already packed."

"My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile... I told her ""Wow, that's a big word for a sixth grader!"" *stolen from a teacher"

"Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed."

"Swords just aren't naturally ""wooooshy"" enough for me, that's why I add the noise. That's why I add the noise, Janet."

"BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep."

"What do you call two black dudes on a motorcycle? An Africa Twin."

"Who is the hardest person to find in hide and seek? Daniel Morcombe"

"Friends are like trampolines. I've always wanted a trampoline."