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Joke of the Day

"It's quiet...too quiet... Did you hear about the woman who couldn't find a singing partner? She had to buy a duet yourself kit... *-drops mic-* *-mike jumps up and promptly kicks hatter in the shin-*"

"WHAT DO WE WANT? License and registration, please. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? Sir, please stop shouting and step out of the vehicle."

"What did the Mexican say when I pushed him on the lawn? Grassy Ass!"

"Don't you hate it when you punch up the fuckline?"

"What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up. It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way."

"A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man asks, ""Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Africa! There are loads of them running around!"""

"I've slept with a series of triplets i called it a waltz"

"Whats the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window"

"[hospital] ""The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live."" But does my hair look good?"