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Joke of the Day

"What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand? My hand."

"A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop."

"I understand if you aren't religious, I respect that. But you don't have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice."

"Where does a guru get his sandwiches? New Delhi"

"What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway!"

"What do you get when you pour root beer into a square glass? Beer X-post from /r/imsmartandthisisfunny"

"What word becomes shorter when you add two letters? Short."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"This skinny girl just told me she ""forgets"" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it's contagious."

"I was once addicted to time travel But that's all in the past now"