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Joke of the Day

"This skinny girl just told me she ""forgets"" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it's contagious."

"What do you call a belt made of clocks? A waist of time"

"I saved a mans life today. He was choking. So i took my hands off his throat. and said, ""dont make me save your life again and use your blinker next time asshole."""

"Not a fan of APA MLA, however, was love at first cite."

"What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its hips."

"Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box. Heyooooooo"

"Why did the rabbit go to rehab? He was hopped up on easter eggs."

"My life The biggest joke of all."

"What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common? They both made the news for not being straight."

"I tried to teach a class on how hard it is to make a Fibonacci Sequence. But it spiraled WAY out of control!"