84111

Joke of the Day

"Had the words ""I love you"" tattoed on my dick. Wife made me remove it because... she said I was always trying to put words into her mouth."

"What do necrophiliacs get at funerals? Mourning wood."

"I just read the biography of the guy who invented Super Mario Bros. Did you know that when he was a kid people used to laugh at him when he would kill turtles with a hammer?"

"What do you call a black guy surrounded by a bunch of white guys? The Allman Brothers."

"[I remove my bike helmet, but my toupee comes off with it] ""I'm sorry guys, is there something funny about safety?"""

"Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you? 2: I'm too busy."

"Accidentally just told a girl that ""she has a nice head"" because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer"

"I guess it's good Hillary didn't win... It would be kinda awkward for her to be sitting behind the desk that Monica was under."

"GF: ""Call me ASAP, it's an emergency!"" Me: ""Hi ASAP, it's an emergency!"""

"If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar"