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Joke of the Day

"GF: ""Call me ASAP, it's an emergency!"" Me: ""Hi ASAP, it's an emergency!"""

"My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both"

"I'm so glad you don't give a crap, because that would be a disgusting gift."

"What do you name a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter. He won't come."

"What do my toaster and I have in common? We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time."

"Friend: ""Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married."" ME: ""Wow! when?"" Friend: ""Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."""

"I have this horrible tofu joke I'm afraid to post... It's really tasteless."

"We should give the Nobel Peace Prize to the person who figures out how to clap while holding a drink at a concert."

"All of the construction that was slowing down traffic during the summer is over now. I don't know why they can't repair those cones indoors."

"How does Mike Tyson get smarter? By taking a math gainer."