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Joke of the Day

"Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up."

"What do slutty nurses go as for Halloween?"

"When people say ""You look so familiar"" responding with ""Were we in prison together?"" is almost always a conversation killer."

"Non-consensual sex burns more calories than consensual sex."

"Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills."

"I still have a lot of teen angst You wouldn't understand"

"Why do hippies like to swim way offshore? Cause it's far out, man"

"My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy So now I have to sit down to pee."

"DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual."

"what's the best part about being a man? no ."