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Joke of the Day

"This guy on GMA is thanking God b/c he survived 2 plane crashes. I'm pretty sure ""God"" is trying to kill him."

"I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish"

"its 2013 fellas, if youre saying anything other than ""punch out a grumpy"" to describe taking a crap youre a dinosaur"

"Y'all hear the one about the clairvoyant midget that escaped from prison? The police are searching for a small medium at large."

"I'll bet Johnny Depp is somewhere supercool right now, wearing 7 scarves."

"When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked."

"What does the Rose iphone 7 and the Titanic have in common? They both lost Jack."

"I sent my wife a card that said, ""I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE BABIES YOU'VE MADE."""

"It's a man's job to respect a woman. But, it's a woman's job to give him something to respect..."

"Never have sex before 20... It can be difficult to perform in front of an audience."