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Joke of the Day

"I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish"

"I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: ""Damn it!"" The bad sky diver goes ""Damn it!"" ::Whack::"

"Did you hear about the kid who brought a home made watch to school? He had a real bad time..."

"What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities"

"I found out it was snowing by looking outside. WTF Twitter? You are suppossed to tell me these things first."

"Browser History: Man vs. Woman Woman's Browser History: Pintrest Pintrest Pintrest Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Makeup Tutorial Shoes Shoes Shoes Man's Browser History: -"

"Is your lizard not working? You may have a reptile dysfunction."

"yeah, we r a non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let him name us. I'm Woof, this is my husband Woof, & these r Woof & Woof"

"My friends laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian... Well they're not laughing now"