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Joke of the Day

"When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work."

"Weed doesn't give me an attitude when I forget to pay the electric bill... I love you, weed."

"What do you call something that is long hard and full of semen? A Submarine."

"How do you tell the difference between a normal potato from a slutty potato? The slutty one has the sticker that reads Idaho."

"I hate when people text back ""K""...I'm rarely in the mood to talk about potassium."

"we put a man on the moon but we can't keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there."

"Orange Jews 100% Concentrated."

"I never thought that eating a bowl of Alphabet Soup could help me overcome constipation. But here I am, in the loo, having a massive vowel movement."

"What was the name of Hitler's Political Party: A, B, C, or D? Heres a hint: It's not C!"

"Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!"