31990

Joke of the Day

"Weed doesn't give me an attitude when I forget to pay the electric bill... I love you, weed."

"Have you heard the joke about Whole Foods? It was so bad it made me sustainably groan."

"A Match Made in Heaven God grabbed a box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He put it in his mouth when he realized he had nothing to light it with."

"A dick has the saddest life He is put in a dark room, banged againts the walls until it throws up and is unconcious"

"Daddy! Daddy! I can't stop running in circles! Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"why did the hipster burn his tounge? because he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe."

"Wanna know the difference between a street performer and a hobo? The age"

"My roommate said I might be schizophrenic. But what does he know I don't even have a roommate."