82957

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Silent Me: What's wrong? Wife: Nothing Me: Grabs shield and sword"

"My waxer just cancelled. So I'm making the best of a bad situation and riding around on top of minivans, Teen Wolf style."

"What do you call a flannel cat? A Plaid-A-Pus"

"Only in Scotland, will you ever see a man take a piss on a door, then open it and walk inside. (credit: Frankie Boyle)"

"It's a bird, it's a plane! No, it's my data plan!"

"Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp? Because she's thick and tired of it."

"I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks... ...except ""Drops of Jupiter"". That one's ok."

"Why are Jewish men circumsised? Because Jewish women only touch things 20% off."

"4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here."

"My friend stabbed me with a pencil, I guess you could say I got the point."