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Joke of the Day

"DOG 911: what's the emergency? DOG: a boy threw a ball but I can't find it DOG 911: did u check his hand? DOG: of course I checked hiDAMMIT"

"Got six numbers at the bar last night One more and it would have been a full phone number!"

"I was in bed with the wife the other night and she said if I turned the bedside light out she'd take it up the arse... Maybe I should have let it cool down a bit first."

"You're born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive......"

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WATAHH!"

"How long does it take for a black woman to take out the trash? 9 months."

"What do you call someone who failed rehab? Back on crack"

"What's musical and useful at the grocery store? A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible ""Joke of the Day"" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses"