44155

Joke of the Day

"What's musical and useful at the grocery store? A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible ""Joke of the Day"" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever."

"How is an easily-offended person like a broken GPS? They always take things the wrong way."

"What does a tickle me Elmo get before it leaves the factory? Two test tickles"

"My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ..."

"*practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] ""One grander none-fatty flaparinno"" barista: ... ""I'll try again tomorrow"""

"What do they call cunnilingis in India? A punjob."

"""You made your bed now lay in it"" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts"

"April is alcohol awareness month.....I think we're all aware. Cheers!"

"What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt."

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt!"