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Joke of the Day

"I am Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

"A better blonde joke What is the difference between a brick and a blonde? If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home."

"I registered as a sex offender.. ..just so I wouldn't have to wake up early to drive the kids to school."

"""You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark."" The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage."

"Obama is an obamanation. That is all."

"I bought a universal remote today. I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely."

"What is the temperature of a ton-ton? Luke warm"

"Why did the condom go flying through the air? ... It got pissedoff."

"I had to stop drinking. I kept getting that thing where you feel sick and your head hurts... Depression."

"How do you tell if someone's balls are sensitive? Give them a test-tickle"