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Joke of the Day

"If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome."

"What is the best food to eat after a circumcision? Brissket"

"a bum came up to me once and said ""sticking your junk in the snow is what necrophilia feels like"" ok"

"I'm scared of lifts Guess I have to take steps to avoid them"

"I went to the zoo the other day... They only had a dog. It was a Shih Tzu"

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. He gave it to her."

"A group of IPhones walk into a bar Bartender: Get out! IPhones: Why? Bartender: I know you don't have any money! IPhones: How? Bartender: Because all you Apple products lost your Jobs years ago!"

"How do you make a little girl cry twice. You rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear."

"The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone"

"Hey chicks who wear a buttload of make-up. Don't borrow someone else's iPhone to make a call. You leave half of your face on the screen."