141994

Joke of the Day

"What did Donald Trump say to the Mexicans? You're hired! But don't tell anyone."

"Batman's new movie costume has a clock on the utility belt... Personally, I think it's a waist of time."

"For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism."

"I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole... ....but I don't avocado."

"If we both go for the last slice of apple pie at the same time, I will bury my fork in your throat."

"I lost 130 pounds of useless fat! Divorce is great!"

"How can you tell when a mechanic has had sex? When one of his fingers is clean."

"Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now."

"I have an EpiPen I don't need it but I always keep it for sentimental value. A friend of mines gave it to me as he was dying, I don't know why but it seemed very important to him I had it."

"What's a nanny's favorite letter? I don't know, but it's not E."