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Joke of the Day

"I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left because it was just one ting after another."

"Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher? Because he couldn't control his pupils."

"What do bees do with their honey? They cell it."

"[NSFW] Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year."

"How are spinach and anal sex alike? Chances are if you didn't like it as a child, you're not going to like it as an adult."

"Don't listen to people who tell you not to stay up late. They're just trying to trick you into being a well-rested person who isn't anxious."

"Some mornings I just want to brew the coffee directly into my mouth."

"Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second one says, ""I'll have some H2O too."" The second one dies."

"An atom asks another atom, Do these protons make my mass look big?"

"to do list I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can't figure out who's going to do it"