81878

Joke of the Day

"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."

"What's the difference between light beer and having sex in a boat? Nothing. They're both fucking near water."

"DEAD BABY JOKES: So what's the difference between a dead baby and dirt? **I don't eat dirt.**"

"That kid didn't really find a lost Mayan city. The sites that promoted the story? I guess they'll issue a... Maya culpa."

"What do a Russian pimp call his prostitute? Slobberonmadickyabitch"

"I miss the days if you were angry while on the phone, you could slam it down without costing $400!"

"People think having 5 sets of grandparents rules as kid on Xmas, and it does, but you pay for it on the back end having to go to 97 funerals"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped."

"What do you call Russian trees? Dimitrees"

"IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?"