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Joke of the Day

"A snake met an elephant one day and laughed 'Look at you, you have a dick on your face!' The elephant replied, 'Better than you, your face is on your dick!'"

"captain: a lot of rumors floating around saying I sunk the ship sailor: [clinging to a piece of the hull] please stop calling us rumors sir"

"Have the day off when the SO comes home, ""Have you been on reddit all day!?"" Look at the clock, ""Not yet."""

"Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential."

"I just want 5 minutes alone with the person who thought it was a good idea to put little plastic stickers on every piece of fruit"

"down vote this do it"

"So Helen Keller walks into a bar Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea."

"How Did Harry Potter Get Down The Hill? Walking. Jk Rowling."

"Did you hear about new product out from Tampax? The iPad."

"Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame... ...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came."