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Joke of the Day

"Have the day off when the SO comes home, ""Have you been on reddit all day!?"" Look at the clock, ""Not yet."""

"What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree? A gorilla pooped on his face."

"Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story."

"Why did God make four cheeks in the human body? he made an ass of the first two."

"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."

"To my friend who I cheat at cards against: I'm sorry, but I think uno me well enough."

"*shakes brain like an Etch-A-Sketch*"

"AN OPEN LETTER TO COFFEE Thanks."

"My cowboy friends phone froze on gindr the other day He kept asking ""Why can't I quit you"""

"What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common? Using imperial units."