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Joke of the Day

"Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential."

"Me: 'I love you so much, I'll see you later beautiful' Girlfriend: 'I love you too' Me: *Looks up from patting dog* 'Yeah see you later'"

"Just saw a homeless guy yelling at his shadow. You know what that means right? SIX MORE WEEKS OF RECESSION!"

"Anytime I see someone with dreadlocks i yell CONGRATS ON HAVING A DIRTY HEAD FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME"

"I think Lady Gaga's next outfit should be made of spaghetti... If that's *pastable*"

"diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? Banned from the petting zoo."

"I always cry before talking to attractive girls Any tips against pepper spray?"

"There's this greek archipelago called the ""Sporades"". People there work sometimes. By my Economics/Politics teacher"

"It's so rough where I live ... We don't have Jehova's witnesses, we have Jehova's bystanders (who are like ""We didn't see nothing"")"