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Joke of the Day

"captain: a lot of rumors floating around saying I sunk the ship sailor: [clinging to a piece of the hull] please stop calling us rumors sir"

"Why is your washing machine always laughing? It's taking the piss out of your knickers!"

"Why couldn't the teddy bear eat any more of its dinner? It was stuffed."

"Chivalry died the same time you stopped being a lady, honey."

"You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force."

"I know Muslims can't eat pork. Islam ok though?"

"My girlfriend told me I'm her 32nd lover Turns out what she really meant was I'm her thirty second lover"

"Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?"

"Why was Santa in the asylum? He lost his SANTAty"

"Why does Waldo always wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted."