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Joke of the Day

"How can a man take an abortion pill? He just picks one up and leaves."

"I hate stools... They are a bunch of sons of benches."

"I shot my first turkey today! But for some reason everyone in the frozen food section acted really surprised."

"Cruz picked Fiorina as his running mate. She probably gives better head than Kasich."

"My son just walked in crying, saying he was scared as Trump won. I said, fuck off, you're 22 & British. Oh yes he replied & went to work."

"Pissed off? Punch a wind chime and you'll feel better."

"Poland started World War 2 like Iraq was responsible for 9/11"

"Why do peasants watch the Weather Channel? To get the serf report"

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: To win the no-bell prize."

"Saw a bumper sticker with a gun and ""I don't call 911!"" Jesus. I hope his wife doesn't fall down the stairs. ""Sorry darlin'."" -*BLAM BLAM*"