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Joke of the Day

"I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee... My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug"

"i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was ""cool. that bird makes more money than me"""

"What do single people call Valentine's Day? Independence Day"

"3 mods walk into a bar [deleted]"

"What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man? Why don't you try icing it"

"Use the force luke I've run out of lubricant"

"If history is written by the victors Then who wrote the history of France ?"

"If you want someone to like you never text first. If they text you then don't text back. Never, ever talk. It's the only way to make it work"

"I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day.. ..it smells better than real poo."

"What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and donald trump? One of them is a racist carrot"