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Joke of the Day

"Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: ""Windows frozen."" Husband texts back: ""Pour some lukewarm water over it."" Wife texts back 5 mins later: ""Computer completely fucked now."""

"A young woman walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms. Don't want to get pregnant? Says the cashier. ""Nope, my boyfriend doesn't want any shit on his cock."""

"Q: What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand."

"TIFU. She was on top."

"What did the computer say to the virus? scRAM"

"What do you call the man who proofread Hitler's speeches? The original grammar Nazi."

"I used to hate facial hair But then it grew on me"

"For Halloween, I'm going out as ""gay wedding"" ... ... it seems that billions of people are scared of it!"

"So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod. Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list."

"How did the muslim get cancer? By smoking a lot of fags."